Correcting the Fake News of the Quality Food Stuffs Correlation Cult

Correcting the Fake News of the Quality Food Stuffs Correlation Cult

This is a public service announcement to correct yet another account of fake-news out there that is spreading to the masses.  

Somehow, a vicious rumor is being passed that there’s some strange connection between highfalutin foods and unique facial hair or piercings.  This is not true.  While there may be a correlation between quality goods and the striking appearance of service-workers, there is no nefarious, secret connection.

"Just because I choose to have a dapper mustache doesn't mean that I share some secret, intricate handshake that proves my rightful place in some underground gang of high-quality food and immediate access to our off-menu items that none of you normal people know about."  Says Brendan Parks.

“Right,” follows up Mercedes Nelson, as she adjusts her equally beautiful and unusual nose-ring, “Just because we both work with obscenely good food stuffs and happen to present ourselves as noticeably awesome doesn’t mean that during the recent total eclipse we all chanted the secret maddening songs of Cthulhu while darkness engulfed the land.  You all just hallucinated it.”

Another specialist of the culinary arts, Jonathan Berkness that just happens to rock a lusciously flowing beard had this to say, “There is absolutely no connection between my notable and staggeringly good looks and the outstanding product I serve.  And those of us who just happen to fall into that boat  most certainly DO NOT get together when the moon is full on the eighth day that Venus is in retrograde to sacrifice our choicest of meats and burnt offerings of single-origin coffee beans while dancing around the bright-kettle in our brewing facility as a means of mystically carbonating my beer.  That’s just poppycock!”
So please, before you go spreading any more unfounded, total balderdash, be sure that you’ve checked your facts, and stop these rumors before they get out of hand.